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Deleted Scene #2

September 5, 2009

I am what I am.

Those who say what they are, that’s what they’re not. Those who do, and don’t say are being real.

I encounter this duplicity throughout my life. It’s hard to tell what’s real, and what’s not. Who says my theory, my reality, of life is actually true? Who says it’s wrong? How is it possible to be objective when, in all objectivity, it is impossible to prove many things objectively, and so we have to resort to subjective thinking? Not everything can be broken down like a controlled science experiment – there are thousands of millions of variables out of my reach.

Isn’t it strange, then, that we craft ourselves out of subjective reality, never realizing that we have a way to craft our reality in order to fit ourselves? How through action, we define our reality and influence others’ realities?

But I have another reason for writing this. It is my introduction, my triumphant burst onto the stage of Life. I am everything; I am nothing. I am the sunlight that touches your face; I am the darkness that haunts the darkest, untouched depths of your soul. I am Yin; I am Yang. I am the Alpha; I am the Omega. I am the divine; I am the profane. I am God; I am the Devil. Finally, I am life; I am death.

But who am I? What is my identity?

I don’t know what my identity is. I don’t have one. Or do I? I don’t know. I don’t think. I act. Is thinking an action? I don’t know. I try to limit my thoughts as much as possible, maximizing action and feeling. Yes, I use logical thinking and reasoning whenever it is beneficial to do so, but I limit my compulsive, useless thinking. As I said before, I keep action at the front. Nothing else. Act. Act. Act. When I am not in a position to act, I think. That’s it. But I try to absorb myself. I’m really thinking too much, aren’t I?

But this is the thing: you have to learn from me through my actions. I cannot tell you who I am, because you would have a preconceived notion of what how I’m supposed to act. If there’s any disconnect, I will not be a credible source. After I lose my credibility, the whole foundation of me falls apart, and all my documentation of my actions is rendered null. So, please, sit down, and enjoy my exploits, my actions. I’ll have you decide who I am. I am what I am. You may subjectively judge it, but your identification of me does not mean anything. It does not interfere with what I do. Therefore, I’ll go without an identity, as I have stated. Am I being too roundabout?

Perhaps I should really introduce myself. I am Alexander. Pleased to meet you.

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